Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Coldplagiarism (GET IT?)


Time to put Coldplay on the couch. I'm sure the allegations of them lifting riffs from other people could be considered a tired topic by now, but f*ck it. I'm still pissed. Especially since I used to like them. (Parachutes was a great album, they got progressively lazier after that.)

Here we go, ya'll.
Let's break it down album by album.

Parachutes- July 10, 2000
Their first. It's echo-ey guitar driven music, nothing really special. It's very well written, solid. Very friendly music, accessable to almost anyone.
However... I read in an interview that Chris Martin (the chotchbag singer) said that when they were first getting started they were trying to sound like Radiohead. Red flag alert, anyone?

A Rush of Blood to the Head- August 22, 2002
The follow up to a hit. This one featured more piano, more echoes, explored new themes... mainly of the messiah complex variety. The lyrics became more protective of an unknown victim... the music got more layered. But still nothing that hadn't been done before.

X&Y- June 6, 2005
Yikes. Talk about dissapointment. It appears Coldplay had stopped trying, and just wrote a bunch of crap that they knew people would like, regardless if was hollow and filled with nothing. Clearly no effort here. They got lazy. So lazy, in fact, that they started to "borrow". More on this furthur down.

Viva la Vida- May 25, 2008
Ok. While they tried to take a turn with this one and go ambitious, here's where the shameless copycatting comes in. (Chris Martin, has again, referenced "Kid A", Radiohead's EXTREMELY ambitious follow up to their super-hit "Ok Computer") The songs don't follow the typical lazy Coldplay outline. This would normally be a good thing, and a sign of growth and creativity in a band, but let's stop right there.

To quote Chris Martin in a Rolling Stone interview:
"We're definitely good, but I don't think you can say we're that original. I regard us as being incredibly good plagiarists."

Ok, pally... the song "Viva la Vida" sounds remarkably like Joe Satriani's "If I could fly" AND The Creaky Boards' "The songs I didn't write" (ironic, I know.) Check these songs out, f*cking anywhere. Try youtube.

The Coldplay song "Talk" is a direct ripoff of the Kraftwerk song "Computer Love". I later found out that Coldplay legally obtained the riff of that song, but come on. Coldplay is internationally famous, not a cover band. Write your own shit, douchebag. Lots of people do it, so can you.
Once again, check it out. It's on youtube.

So....... this blatant aping of other people's music (not just in the music itself, but admitted to in countless interviews) leads me to believe that Chris Martin is under the impression that he doesn't have to try anymore. He believes he's the next Bono. The faggot/liar version.

He's not. He's a limey shithead who has done nothing but write middle-of-the-road, non offensive limp-dick milquetoast music spanning his entire career. And he can't even do that anymore, so has turned to ripping people off. Now your daughter (Apple, way to go, asshole) is going to be ripped on mercilessly for having you as her father. That is, if you and your cockchugging f*cking weakling coat-tail riding leeches that you call a BAND are still relevent when she's old enough to interact with other kids can still ruin her childhood for being the daughter of a soulless cumdumpster. (I'm not talking about Gwyneth Paltrow, she's alright; could do better.)
I hope Christ Martin and Chris Cornell (that clown is on the couch next) somehow end up with eachothers' car engines in their respective chests. (hypocritically, I lifted this fantasy from Beeze)

Chris Martin should have been a stain on his parents' bedsheets. Wiped off, forgotten about, eventually washed. Only because his skunky parents would have gotten tired of being reminded of the one night they got drunk and daddy pulled out instead of wrapping up. I hope they f*ckin' are now.

F*CK COLDPLAY. I'm done.

6 comments:

The BEEZE said...

Get it...LOL!!!

Great post...Coldplay sucks big fat gay horse c**k...But what is understood doesn't need to be discussed.

Jurk said...

fuck coldplay and the horse they "rode" in on... GET IT?

The BEEZE said...

Got it...LOL!!!

I'm off for a tug, and then bed.

JoJO a. said...

Harsh! But (somewhat) justified.

You're right: I paid a fuckumental 97$ to see them live and then found out the very next week that they basically bought and album, liked a song and ripped it off. Write your own crap bastards!

..They still rock my iPod though.

Jurk said...

Harsh? They ripped off TWO songs to make one! Then they charged $97 for a ticket! I saw RADIOHEAD for 40!

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