Thursday, January 8, 2009

Blow with a ho. (fo sho.)

I'm sure all of you have had a similiar experience, give or take a few "juicy details", and this is one of them. After my Radiohead post got a whole lot of nothin', I talked to Beezebag and we came to the conclusion that "angry, embarrasing, and sexual" gets the attention. Not that I'm in it for attention. No. I'm. Not-tah.
So, this is the story of a one night stand. A really good one, I might add.

I was working at this restaurant a few years ago. 2005. This was prior to my current tour of duty at the Fish House. Like restaurants tend to be, the staff was very close, and often went out together after work. This place was no exception.
I had been hanging out/messing around with one of the bartenders. (fun fact: we saw 40 Year Old Virgin together, one of my favorite movies). Let's call her "Bartender".
Also, as restaurants tend to do, we had a slew of eccentric regulars. One of them was an older gentleman maybe in his late 40's; let's call him "Al". (as in al-coholic, GET IT??)
I was cool with him, he was always buying me drinks towards the end of the shift, and he was having a party at his house, and him and Bartender invited me. So I go to his house and there's Bartender, Al, and some people I don't know. He introduces me, then calls me into the bathroom. He offers me some coke, to which I more than happily take part in. I hadn't done it yet at the time, but who am I to turn down a good time? And it is... a good time. So there's booze, pot, more coke, people keep arriving. I'm pretty sure I was the youngest person at this party too. Bartender was even a few years older than me. Awesome party though. I had a great time.

Ok, so now the good part. Bartender's friend showed up, so let's call her "Tramp Stamp", because, well... as I later found out, she had one, much to my not-so-suprise. Bartender and Al had some thing going on together, so I started talking to Tramp Stamp. She was a long haired blonde, hot, well-proportioned, with a high-class dumper. Also, she was pretty cool to hang out with. And do some more coke with. Also not suprising, we hit it off very well.

So... the party's winding at whatever o'clock, and she mentions she's in no shape to drive. I mean, I'm sure I wasn't either, but come on. There are certain times when you just have to knuckle up. So I asked if she would like to come stay at my place. She immediately said yes. (giggity)

We get home unscathed, and it's maybe 5 minutes inside my apartment that we're going at it like f*cking champs. I mean, like we just discovered we could do this sh!t. I'm not gonna go into details, but it was good, and it was NASTY. And this carried on until around 8:30 in the morning, when she finally said she was tired.
I dropped her off the next day at Al's house where her car was, she gave me a peck on the cheek, and that was that. Transaction complete.

It was honestly some of the best sex I've ever had, probably because it never had the chance to go beyond "getting some strange", you know? Nothing even slightly negative to associate with her, just that one really good time. F yeah.

Dating and relationships and love and all that sh!t definately have their strong points, I know, but this kind of thing deserves a mention as well.
What a great night. This one goes out to Tramp Stamps everywhere.


The BEEZE said...

"Transaction complete".....Great line.

Don't you know I have "knuckle up" copywritten...Stop stealing my shit...Good those tramp stamps.

Jurk said...

knuckling up is universal, son.
it comes in all shapes and forms. and stamps.

The BEEZE said...

I'm gonna give you a mushroom stamp across the face.

Jurk said...

fine. "knuckle up" copyright the Beeze. You fucking child. OH!

The BEEZE said...

That's terrific...Nice playlist...I'm gonna go rub one out now...LOL!!!